I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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