I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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