why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
