He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
