Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
