So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
