I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
