8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
