i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
