Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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