You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
