i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
