Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(949): View more from California

You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.

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(831): View more from California

It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.

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(310): View more from California

He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.

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(313): View more from Michigan

I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.

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(808): View more from Hawaii

he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted

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(850): View more from Florida

Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.

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(416): View more from Toronto

Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.

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(416): View more from Toronto

we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.

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