theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
