The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
