He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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