When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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