Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
