i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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