I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
