Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
