so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
