I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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