I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
