So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
