i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
