Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
