sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
