ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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