What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
