I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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