please come you make the beer taste better
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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