tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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