thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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