i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
