just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
The power of my boobs compel you
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
