so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
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