Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
