I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
