If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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