I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
