next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
