I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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