I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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