I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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