oh god the rape fog is back!
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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