You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
