I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
