how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
