I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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