Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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