I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
