Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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