Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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