You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
