Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
